All My Rage is a contemporary young adult fiction novel by Pakistani-American author Sabaa Tahir. It follows the lives of two Pakistani-American high school students, Salahudin and Noor. Salahudin and Noor used to be friends but are not talking to each other due to an event that happened in the past. Both are also going through tragic life circumstances throughout the course of this book. Salahudin’s father is an alcoholic, and his mother has kidney disease. Salahudin is also struggling with running his family’s motel. Noor’s parents died when she was a child, and she is currently living with her uncle. Noor is also trying to apply to college against her uncle’s wishes. This book chronicles how Salahudin and Noor rekindle their friendship and rely on each other for support. This book also follows the point of view of Misbah, Salahudin’s mother, happening in the past, starting from her wedding day to Toufiq.
There are two examples of PTSD present in All My Rage. One is Toufiq, Salahudin’s father, and Salahudin himself. Toufiq is currently an alcoholic, but he was not always like that, which is seen from Salahudin’s mother’s perspective. Toufiq’s mother, Nargis, is also an alcoholic, and it is said that she had a hard life. Both Nargis and her husband Junaid died from electricity. Toufiq first got drunk after the death of his parents. A lot like his mother, he used alcohol as a coping mechanism for the things he experienced. First with the death of his parents and again later in the face of his wife’s failing health. This is highly reminiscent of real-life PTSD patients. According to the study “Posttraumatic stress disorder, drinking to cope, and harmful alcohol use: A multivariate meta-analysis of the self-medication hypothesis” by Luciano et. al, Research demonstrates that there is a strong correlation between PTSD and harmful alcohol use. In the case of Toufiq, among the several hypotheses that exist to explain the correlation between PTSD and alcoholism, the hypothesis that most likely fits in the context of his alcoholism is the self-medication hypothesis. The self-medication hypothesis states that the calming effect of alcohol helps reduce the internal experiences associated with PTSD, which may trigger continued alcohol usage over time. Another character we see PTSD in is Salahudin. When Salahudin is introduced in the book, we quickly learn that he has issues with physical contact with others. He does not have a problem with hugs from his mother, but he hates it when other people outside of his inner circle touch him. So much so to the point that he claims that he has allodynia to others. He also hates going into the laundry room in the motel. He hates it to the point that in Chapter 15 of the book, when he is forced to go into the laundry room, he has a panic attack and vomits. We learn from Misbah’s point of view that Salahudin, as a child, loved going into the laundry room, that is, until he got hurt. It is strongly implied that he was sexually assaulted in the laundry room. That would be in keeping with his issues of intimacy. The sexual assault was dealt with rather gracefully in this book. It is never outright said, but judging by the reaction of the people involved, such as Toufiq, Misbah, and Salahudin, we can guess how severe that instance was and how traumatic it was. Salahudin’s PTSD is almost a classic example of PTSD with an aversion to things that trigger his trauma, such as touch and going into the laundry room.
A fascinating example of denial in All My Rage is Noor. Noor, throughout the course of the book, repeats this phrase with some variations: “I was six when an earthquake hit my village in Pakistan. Chachu drove for two days from Karachi because the flights to northern Punjab were down. When he reached the village, he crawled over the rubble to my grandparents’ house, where my parents lived, too. He tore at the rocks with his bare hands. The emergency workers told him it was useless. His palms bled. His nails were ripped out. Everyone was dead. But Chachu kept digging. He heard me crying, trapped in a closet. He pulled me out. Got me to a hospital and didn’t leave my side. Chachu brought me to America, where he’d been in college. Left his engineering internship at the military base and put a down payment on a failing liquor store with the little cash he’d saved up. And that’s where he’s stayed for the past eleven years, just so we could afford to live.” This phrase is said again and again to the point that it may be believed that she simply has a great amount of gratitude to her uncle, despite his not allowing her to apply to college. However, in a pivotal moment in the story, when Noor’s Chachu, whose real name is Shaukat Riaz, finds out that Noor has been secretly applying to colleges against his wishes hits Noor, each phrase in the excerpt above is stated after every time Shaukat hits her. And then it becomes evident that Noor herself is being abused. And that she reminds herself of what Chachu has done for her to give herself a reason to endure the abuse. After this revelation, we start to understand the subtle ways in which Noor hid the abuse, such as wearing makeup to cover the scars and keeping her green card, food, and other necessities in her school bag at all times. After we understand that Noor has been abused, some of us may look back at those tiny clues and wonder how we missed that. Her denial is so profound that these tiny clues are never seen from her point of view, only from the point of view of others. Noor’s denial protects her from the fact that her uncle, who saved her, could at the same time be a horrible person. When she can no longer deny, despite how hard she tries, that her uncle is abusive, she gets out of the house and finds Salahudin and asks him to take her away. She does not answer his questions about her injury and asks Salahudin to help her forget.
Noor subconsciously knows that her uncle is cruel and that she should get away from him. That is why she is applying for college and overfilling her backpack. But why did she not attempt to get away from him over the course of 11 years? I believe that is because that would require her to completely understand that her uncle is cruel and abusive. She understands that her uncle is cruel, but she cannot reconcile that someone who saved her can be a horrible person. I believe that is why she repeats the phrase that her uncle saved her. She wishes him to be the uncle who saved her all of those years ago, but unfortunately, he is not. The characterization of Noor throughout this book is masterful. Her emotions are complex to the point that she seems like a real person. It is so easy to forget that she is a fictional character.
In conclusion, “All My Rage” is a book that has a wonderful, nuanced portrayal of mental health issues. The characters are remarkably real and complex with their reactions to the numerous situations that they go through in life. It is an excellent book from which to take lessons about the nature of abuse, such as the fact that it is easy to miss the little signs when we do not have the full story. It is a story about healing and moving beyond your past and your mistakes. It is a truly beautiful and heavy story. I would highly recommend you read it.
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